The first time someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM! – Maya Angelou
This is a subject that most of us seem to struggle with. VERY OFTEN!
I see it daily, and I am sure that most of you stumble upon this subject about someone, or maybe an opportunity that you knew it wasn’t what you were told, but you went ahead and did it knowing the truth about it.
I see couples that do things expecting a change in the other person, the ironic part is that the other person is also expecting the first person to change, and they start a relationship with the image they have of their partner, what they hope they will become, and not wanting to face the reality of who’s in front of them.
They commit further in hopes that the other person will see their point of view, and do things “in the name of love”. Don’t get me wrong, I am definitely the most romantic person (I know it’s hard to believe, but I am), but I learned already, that no matter how much you love someone, there are things that just won’t change! you might get distracted for a bit, but PEOPLE ALWAYS COME BACK TO BE WHO THEY ARE! if you have a jealous person, guess what YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE A JEALOUS PERSON, being jealous has nothing to do with you, is basically insecurities that the other person has, and until they overcome those issues, you will have to live with them, the secret of having a perfect partner is simple! Everyone will have something wrong, the question is… Can you live with what ever is “wrong” or not part of what you’ve dreamed the person to be? if you can live with what ever “defect” they have. You are set!
If you need a project, learn how to restore a car, become a pet trainer. But humans… That is a very difficult one! I am convince we all come with a “reset to factory settings” button that something will activate it.
I find very interesting the couples that have issues, so to fix them, they decide to get married. For a while things get “better” (you know the excitement of planning a wedding, finding a house where they will start their life together, and everything else that you can invest your time ignoring the issues at hand), but then things go back to the way they were, so how do they fix it? They have a baby, and then 15 years down the road, when the illusion and hope is gone you get those couples that hate each other, and hate themselves, because all the signs were there. But THEY CHOOSE to ignore them.
This issue happens in so many things. You can go from what we choose to eat, to where we live, to what we do for a living.
How many times have you gotten into situations that you knew, wouldn’t end up well, but you keep on lying to yourself?
For example “I will accept this job, because I am afraid I will never find something better”. And you can hear that voice inside of your head screaming that you shouldn’t do it, but there you go, 10 years down the road you are stuck in a job you just hate and don’t know how to change.
Or you look for a place to live, see the neighbors are less than desirable, but you lie to your self again, and find a rational excuse to move in there “It has a good price, I can save and buy a nicer place in a year or two”. Only to see years go by, and your peace of mind gone! And worst of all hating your home and yourself for moving there.
What about diets? I’ve struggled with my weight all my life, so believe me I can say that I’ve tried almost everything. I’ve had moments in my life that I am so desperate to fit into a dress (you know, you want to look good for that special occasion that you rationalize the thought of Health?…It doesn’t matter you looked great! Right?) That I’ve done things knowing that I was surely going to get sick afterwards, and most likely gain all the weight back (and more), and did it anyway.
I have been trying to figure out why we do this things, and the truth there are so many ways to see this behavior. None of which are logical.
Does it have to be with the way we were brought up? that we confuse being positive and having faith by ignoring the signs that we have in front of us?
One of my favorite movies is Bruce Almighty. I love the part that he is begging for a sign, and he can’t get any more signs or clearer ones. But still he is so busy complaining that he does not see them.
Could it be that we don’t see the signs that are so clear for others? We even get people giving us heads up (I’ve got people telling me things in my face, and I just dismissed them as jokes or I used the I have faith and I have got to remain positive).
Why do we have to wait until we hit a wall to wake up and open our eyes?
Is it because we are not really sure of who we are and are afraid to be forced to look inside us, and accept we were stubborn by trying to swim against the current, that everything around us is an illusion that we just have to maintain because is easier than accepting the reality?
All I can say, is that no matter how much it hurts, is always better to believe who and what things are from the beginning, and if you don’t, Opening your eyes and change your course is the best gift you can give to you and the people involved.